Split Review (No Spoilers)

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Love his movies, hate them, or maybe a little bit of both, you have to admit M. Night Shyamalan never gave up. No matter how many stink bombs he tried to shove down our throats, he kept coming back with another one. Sixth Sense was great, Unbreakable was pretty good, and Signs was decent if not a little bit silly with one major plothole, being why the fuck would these aliens try to conquer a planet that is mostly water when they’re allergic to the stuff. After that, The Village belonged in a litter box, The Last Airbender should have been counted as a human rights violation, and The Happening was about as entertaining as fromunda cheese. He had some other movies thrown in there, but I’ll admit I didn’t see them and had no interest in seeing them. His schtick of having a big twist in every movie had run stale, and I honestly came to the conclusion he had got lucky early in his career with a couple solid films. Continue reading Split Review (No Spoilers)

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Assassins Creed Review

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When will they learn? When the fuck will they learn? Video games just do not translate to good movies. Sure, there are some video game movies I enjoy (Mortal Kombat, the first Resident Evil) but I understand that they aren’t “good” movies. I like them mostly due to the nostalgia I feel when I watch them, but also because they are fun. They’re cheesy, they know what they are, and they give you what you want to see for the most part. If you are a fan of the Assassins Creed video games, which I am a moderate fan of, what would you say is the thing you want to see most? Continue reading Assassins Creed Review

Rogue One Review (No Spoilers)

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War. What is it good for? Some would say absolutely nothing. But if this said war happens out in space, amidst the stars, as some sort of, dare I say, “star war,” then I want that war to be shown to me exactly as it was shown in Rogue One, the latest entry in the Star Wars saga. If I have to explain to you that this movie does not take place after last year’s Episode VII: The Force Awakens then clearly you are not the Star Wars fan I was hoping you would be, but for you scruffy looking nerf herders who have not been keeping up with the chronological order of these films it’s quite simple: Rogue One takes place between the last prequel movie Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and the first original trilogy movie Episode IV: A New Hope. So yes, technically this is another prequel. Yes, the Death Star is back. And yes, motherfucking Darth Vader is featured in all his shiny sith goodness. God I missed that wheezing bastard.

Continue reading Rogue One Review (No Spoilers)

Manchester by the Sea Review

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There are many movies I would include in the pantheon of great Boston movies. Good Will Hunting, The Town, The Departed, The Fighter, Mystic River, Celtic Pride, all fanfuckingtastic movies based in the city of Boston. Well I have another movie to add to the list, and that would be Ted because I forgot to list it above and the first movie is quite enjoyable. But besides that, I would also throw Manchester by the Sea in there. Starring Casey Affleck in a stunning performance, Manchester by the Sea isn’t just one of the best Boston movies, it’s one of the best movies in general that has come out this year. Continue reading Manchester by the Sea Review

The Edge of Seventeen Review

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Ahhh high school. Remember it? Probably the most important time of anyone’s life. Everything that happens has such long and lasting impacts on your life. Did you hear Becky made out with Rudolfo? Ooooooh my parents are gone let’s drink some shitty Natty Ice! Omg Bernadette did anal under the bleachers! I could go on but I assume you know all the gossip. So there’s this new coming-of-age movie called The Edge of Seventeen, which tells the story of a painfully awkward high school girl and the misadventures she encounters. If I don’t sound overly enthusiastic, well I apologize because it was actually a decent movie.  Continue reading The Edge of Seventeen Review

Arrival Review

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I thought I had seen just about every alien invasion movie there was to see. I’ve seen the peaceful aliens, the war-bringing aliens, the aliens that got left behind and befriended a kid and ate Reeces Pieces that one time. You know what’s funny, I always pronounce Reeces Pieces as ‘Ree-sees Pee-sees.’ Always. I never even realized it was wrong until one of my friends asked why the fuck I was saying ‘Pee-sees.’ Even when I read the word I think it like that. Fuck it, I’m still gonna say it how I want to. Anyways, I’ve seen a lot of alien stuff is what I was getting at. Continue reading Arrival Review

Doctor Strange Review

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The fifty-seventh entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or as we woke peeps call it the EmSeeYou (is this how the young people talk?), Doctor Strange may have had some people worried. Can Marvel just continue to pump out these movies and have them still be good? Will I care about any new characters introduced this late in the game, especially one I barely know like Doctor Strange? Can ‘Eggs’ Benedict Cumberbatch pull of an American accent in the feature role of a movie? These were some of the questions we were asking ourselves. For the most part, I’d say it did a good enough job to satisfy all you Marvel fans. Continue reading Doctor Strange Review

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